Monday, September 24, 2007

Buying condoms

I haven't purchased least 5 years....until tonight. I felt a little odd being a married man buying condoms. Kinda like I was cheating. I dunno. Just seems odd. I did buy a Trojan "pleasure pack". Used to be there was lubricated, non-lubricated (who bought these?) and ribbed. That was it. Sooo many choices no a days. Crazy! By the time we run out it will be time to try again.theaccessgroup_1967_2430848.jpg

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Starting Over

I had my two week follow-up appointment with my doctor today. I am in perfect health, my uterus is back to normal, and all is well. She did tell me that an analysis of the products of conception (that's the scientific term for tissue removed from the uterus) did not show any fetal tissue. I'm glad she told me. It makes me feel better to know that my baby didn't die, it just never grew in the first place. When we get pregnant again we will be going in for an early sonogram at 7 or 8 weeks. I will be feeling somewhat nervous until that time, so I'm really glad we will do it early this time. If we see an actual fetus at that first sonogram I will be very relieved and not worried anymore. I know things could still go wrong after that, but it would be a big comfort to actually see that a baby was developing, rather than the "black hole" of an empty embryonic sac we saw last time. The doctor also said we need to wait to try again until after I have had one cycle. I am hopefully back on a normal cycle now, so we should be able to start trying again in October. Until that time we need to use an alternative method of birth control. Its such a funny thing to have to consider. I haven't had to think about something like that for a very long time. I still felt embarassed in the store today as I was purchasing our "alternative method of birth control". I know I shouldn't feel embarassed about it, but I was. I was also embarrased when I had to go to the store for a pregnancy test. I do look young, and I am always paranoid that people will think I got pregnant "accidentally". I went through the self check out when I had to do it. Darren doesn't want to go to the store for condoms. He says that if a married man goes in to buy condoms everyone will think he is cheating on his wife. I think that is a ridiculous notion. Oh well, at least we won't have to worry about it for very long, hopefully just a couple of weeks. Darren is leaving for Florida on Saturday morning, and he is gone for a full week already. I guess it won't be too much of an issue after all. I am going out to a big party at the House of Blues tomorrow night. Its being hosted by Perez Hilton and it should be a lot of fun! Darren isn't going because his flight is really early Saturday morning. I wish he could come join the fun, but i'm just going to get really drunk anyway so it won't really matter if he is there. I figure if I'm not pregnant I might as well have one good drunken night before starting again. :)

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The Healing Process

Physically I am in perfect health. I have always had an ability to heal quickly, and I have never had a bad reaction to anything. The same is true this time. I was perfectly fine by Saturday morning. No side effects or lingering pain at all. Mentally, it has been a bit tougher. I am a strong person. I think I have dealt with this whole experience a lot better than a lot of women have. You only have to read a message board on a pregnancy website to figure that out. Some of those women just seem to fall apart when something like this happens. I am so glad that I am not one of those women. Life is good, despite the setbacks. I do have to say I would not be nearly as strong as I am without the love and support I get from my husband, family, and all my friends and coworkers. I honestly dreaded going in to work today. On Friday I sent out a mass email to all my coworkers explaining the situation. It killed me to have to write an email like that, but I had to do it. They all knew I was pregnant and most knew that something happened on Friday. One mass email was much better than having to personally explain the situation to every single person who asked. This morning I worried about the kind of response I might get. Would they all avoid me? Would they treat me like something so delicate that they had to tiptoe around me all day? As it turns out I worried for nothing. My coworkers are wonderful people. Most had a few kind words of comfort, and I had several hugs. Then, life went on. We worked and talked today like any other day. That is what I needed most of all. It was a good day. I also received several words of encouragement from people who have been in my situation. Apparently it is more common than I could have even believed. I now personally know 4 people who were in my situation that have gone on to have healthy babies after a miscarriage, plus several other people with friends or relatives who did the same thing. That was the best thing I could have heard today. It's one thing for a doctor to tell you its common and for them to spout out stats to back them up. Its quite another to hear personal stories from people just like you. Now I know that it does happen frequently, and it is most definitely not the end of the world. Its not even close. When I knew I was pregnant it was a great feeling. I was ready for it. When I knew it was taken away from me all I could think about was getting back to that place as fast as I could. Different doctors say different things about how long a person should wait before trying again. My doctor said to wait at least one cycle. That seemed like an eternity to me. How can I possibly wait that long to get back what I had? Now, I know it will be ok. One cycle is only a month. We can try again in October. Its not a long time, and I'm pretty sure I won't have to try for a long time to get pregnant again. It will happen before I know it. I am not worried or stressed anymore. There are better things to do than think about it. I have my follow up appointment with the doctor next Thursday. Darren leaves for his jet course next Saturday, and my mom is coming to visit the next Wednesday. September is full. It should be a good month. :)

Sunday, September 2, 2007


When you take two perfect people and put them together you get perfection X2.....or that's the way it's supposed to work. Looks like that first shot wasn't perfect. I was quite bothered for a while....then I's best this happen now than later on in the journey. So we have a delay. No biggie. If we work the "planning" out right Kelli will be preggo when I need a new car. I will start reading a Farmers Almanac and wait for a really rainy toward the end of a month. I will drag her in and buy the car. The end of the month, storm and preggo evil lady (sorry Kelli) should help me get a good deal. For those that forgot....below is what some computer thought our baby would look like. Our baby?Hmm computers aren't always correct.