Sunday, April 11, 2010

An Article that Caught My Attention

I read this article the other day and it really struck me, so I thought I'd share:

Darren and I have been through 2 miscarriages before this successful pregnancy.  Those were not easy to deal with, but I think going through that made our relationship stronger.  I can't imagine going through such a thing as a couple and then having it contribute to a divorce as well.  That's really like being kicked when you're down.  I imagine that these couples didn't have a very strong relationship before the pregnancy and this was just kind of the last straw to break them up.  Of course, I suppose there are a lot of couples who just aren't on the same page as far as having children goes either.  I can say that most women who experience a miscarriage want to jump back into trying again right away, maybe to help lessen the pain a bit?  I have a feeling a lot of husbands get pressured into trying again before they have come to terms with it and it may cause fights.  I imagine recurrent miscarriage can make that even worse.  After that 2nd miscarriage Darren was in no way ready to try again.  He really wanted to quit trying after that.  Of course, I didn't, but it would have made the situation very bad if I had pressured him at all.  In the end it took us over a year and a half after that 2nd miscarriage before we were both ready to try again.  We did a lot of things during that time period and I think we are now totally ready for this.  Of course, it definitely helps to have an explanation for the losses and a plan to prevent it from happening again.  We didn't know for sure it would work, but it was something to keep us hopeful.  I bet a lot of these couples have a hard time dealing with miscarriage if there is no explanation for it.  I'm not sure if we would have tried again if we couldn't find a reason, and I don't think we would be trying a 4th time if this one had ended badly too.  Thankfully it has all worked out beautifully so far.  There are several women on my message board who have been through 5 or 6 pregnancy losses and have yet to have a successful attempt.  I can't imagine going through that over and over.  I think it could really drive a person crazy.  In cases like that you would definitely need a strong support system and a husband who was totally on the same page about having a baby.  Couples who experience a miscarriage need to have a serious discussion afterward so both sides know exactly how the other feels and what it will take to move past it.  A lot of pressure from one side on the other will just make the situation worse and can lead to a breakdown of the whole relationship.  Seeking outside help and/or advice can be very beneficial.  of course, the most important thing is sympathy and understanding for the other person, and if you don't have a good foundation in your relationship before you try to have a baby it may all very well crumble if something goes wrong.

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